Who attends your workshops?

On average, between 12-15 couples of all stripes attend our workshops. (We occasionally hold a larger workshop so more couples can have access). Young and old. Straight, gay, and trans. Married and not. With kids and without. Living together, living apart, on the verge of divorce. From diverse racial and ethnic backgrounds. Young couples have come as a pre-wedding gift to each other or from their families. Couples with 40+ years under their belts come to get closer, repair and restore deeper connection.

Remarkably, everyone relates because relationship struggles are universal. And the group connects by showing support for each other, laughing together, and helping each other put words to the challenges and joys of nurturing our most precious relationships.

Our workshops are best for all committed couples. We welcome couples who are doing well and want a deeper emotional and/or sexual connection; couples who are struggling with emotional distance and/or sexual distance, conflict, and relationship injuries and want to shift negative cycles and repair; and professionals who are seeking experiential learning about Emotionally Focused Therapy and want to include their partners in their emotional learning and growth. The workshops would not be suitable for an individual or couple in a mental health or relationship crisis. If you are uncertain, contact us and we can offer guidance.

LGBTQ+ couples often ask us if it’s safe to join the workshop. Yes it is. We have LGBTQ+ couples at every workshop, and from time to time, we offer workshops specially for same-sex couples. We are a diverse team of facilitators and openly welcome every couple who wants a strong and lasting relationship. If you have any further questions as to whether this workshop is right for you, please don’t hesitate to contact us and we would be happy to share more.

Which workshop is right for me?

We offer two workshops for couples: Hold Me Tight; and Sex, Intimacy, Desire and Connection: Your Whole Relationship.

• For couples who struggle to feel close emotionally, where there is a lot of conflict and/or emotional distance in the relationship, or unresolved relationship wounds, we recommend starting with the Hold Me Tight Workshop to find your way to one another again, build emotional safety and strengthen the relationship, and develop tools to manage moments of conflict or disconnection. Although there is some time in the workshop dedicated to a couple’s sexual relationship, it is not the emphasis of the workshop.

• For couples who find themselves struggling with their sexual connection, experiencing little or no sex and this is problematic, or feeling like the sex they are having could be enhanced and more fulfilling, we recommend attending the Your Whole Relationship Workshop (YWR). Although all couples are welcome to attend the YWR workshop, we have found that couples who have been through a Hold Me Tight Workshop or a course of EFT therapy appreciate the foundation that they have built and continue to build in this follow-up workshop.

• For couples who relate to both of the above scenarios, we recommend first attending a Hold Me Tight Workshop, followed by the Your Whole Relationship Workshop.

When and where do you hold the workshops?

Before the pandemic, we held several workshops each year, including both Hold Me Tight® and Sex, Intimacy, Desire and Connection: Your Whole Relationship. We are just beginning (2023-2024) to offer in-person workshops again and our schedule is in development. Our workshops most often take place in lovely getaway destinations so that your weekend retreat is soothing for the body and soul. We love Cambria (Central Coast), Lake Arrowhead, Ojai, Temecula, and the Santa Susana mountains, and are always scouting new spots. The workshops are held in hotels, retreat centers, inns, and spa locations. If you are interested in a particular favorite destination, talk to us! (We occasionally also offer a local Southern California workshop in a lower-cost community setting to allow for a more accessible workshop).

How are the workshops structured? 

Educational presentations. Workshop facilitators give engaging presentations using pictures, music, and videos from both science and popular culture to explain a few core concepts of attachment theory -- the science of adult love. Couples will understand how adult love works without jargon, then learn how to apply these concepts directly to your own relationships to bond and stay securely attached to your loved ones.

Couples exercises. Couples receive clear instructions and watch video demonstrations before breaking off to practice structured exercises together in private. These conversations allow you to explore and understand your unique relationship dynamic. 

Expert Assistance. During the exercises, if you and your partner get stuck or need support, we have trained and experienced EFT therapists available to help. In a private space, the assistants can help you understand the impasse and get back on track.

Group discussion. No group speaking or sharing is required.  However, couples tell us every time how much they benefited from the support and camaraderie of the group discussion.  Even though the workshop participants are often quite diverse, everyone relates because relationship struggles are universal. And the group connects by showing support for each other, laughing together, and helping each other put words to the challenges and joys of sustaining our most precious relationships.

Is this group therapy? I don't want to share private information with unfamiliar people.

Our workshops are therapeutic and experiential as we blend education with therapeutic experiences.  This workshop is not a psychotherapy group or couples therapy. The group learns new material and discusses it together, but you and your partner process your relationship in private. We provide you with the option to request guidance from our trained and experienced facilitators so you are not alone with the challenging work. Back in the group meeting, we will debrief anything you wish to share about new learnings that happened for you, but there is no group sharing required. However, the group discussions often turn out to be one of the richest parts of the weekend.

Who are the workshop facilitators?

Dr. Silvina Irwin (PSY19710) and Dr. Lisa Blum (PSY19890), co-founders of the EFT Resource Center, are the primary teachers and facilitators of these workshops. They are both licensed clinical psychologists in California each with over 25 years of experience helping couples, families, and individuals heal relationships. They have offered dozens of Hold Me Tight® workshops over the years, and were featured in a training video for other professionals learning how to facilitate these workshops. Dr. Blum is a certified EFT Supervisor and Therapist, and Dr. Irwin is a certified EFT Therapist, Supervisor, and Trainer of other therapists in EFT. We also have additional colleagues experienced in EFT, such as Dr. Bill Saltzman, who teach in our workshops so that every couple can get the support they need.

How much do the workshops cost?

The specific fees of our upcoming workshops can be found in the “Learn More” link under each workshop date listed here. Fees vary by the specific workshop, location, and size of the group.  Lodging is not included and must be booked separately.  See the details specific for each workshop. Your registration fee includes registration for the both of you for the full weekend, all conference materials and take-home notebooks, assistance from facilitators during private exercises, snacks and beverages, and a welcome gift. The take-home notebook contains all of the exercises and some reference reading to review and re-engage with the exercises after the workshop is over.

How does the workshop cost compare to the cost of couples therapy?

The value of the workshop is extremely high considering that approximately 14 hours of couples therapy with an experienced therapist would easily cost several thousand dollars. The weekend retreat often takes couples much further in one weekend than months of individual therapy can. This is due to the consistency and intensity of work a couple can do in a weekend format when away from the distractions of everyday life. Many couples also find that attending this workshop re-focuses and deepens ongoing couples therapy or jump- starts a particularly productive couples therapy journey that follows.

I'm a mental health professional. Can my partner and I attend?

YES! We have mental health and allied health professionals join us at every workshop -- healers need healing too! We will work with you to make sure it's a confidential environment for you to be able to do your own relationship work. Occasionally we offer dedicated weekends just for mental health professionals. In addition, we offer continuing education credits applicable to many mental health professionals. Contact us for details.

How do I register?

Each workshop with open registration has a "Learn More and Register Button."  Click here to return to our Workshops page where you can find that link.